Laptop Battery People ask me why I write about SUVs so much. I'll tell you why: Because I can't write about sex. That's the only thing Americans care about as much as they care about cars.
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Thinkpad But this is a family newspaper. Even if I did write about sex, I doubt if I'd get as many letters and e-mails as I do when I write about SUVs.
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Microsoft I get them from both sides, but one of the most amusing came from Ronn Cali, who works in the bowling alley off Route 22 in Hillside.
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Laptop Computers Like me, Ronn loves cars. He therefore hates SUVs. Ronn included in his letter an amusing sequence of photos that show what happens when the typical SUV driver goes off-road. In this case, the driver not only went off the road but into the check-cashing business next to the bowling alley.
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Laptop Computer The SUV ended up planted right in front of the counter. Miraculously, no one was hurt. Thank God it wasn't the first of the month.
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Desktop Computer That's not always the case with the SUV crowd. Their vehicles are as dangerous as they are inefficient. I've heard it said that the more irrational a love affair is, the more a person clings to it. Perhaps that's why the SUV-huggers get so passionate about their vehicles.
Notebooks Take this response from a Star-Ledger reader to one of my columns pointing out that SUVs are three times more likely to roll over and kill their occupants: "Many drivers choose SUVs for protection. We are better drivers, since we know our vehicles flip over a lot more easily."
Lenovo Has anyone ever put so much illogic into so few words? First the writer asserts that, in the interests of safety, he seeks out a vehicle that flips over more easily. He then asserts that this design defect makes SUV owners better drivers. Which brings us back to the original question. If they're such good drivers, how come they flip over three times more often?
Hard Drive As you can see, logic and SUVs travel down different roads. SUV-huggers send me innumerable columns by writers purporting to defend SUVs. I've yet to read one by a writer who knows the most elementary facts about automobiles. Here, for example, is a passage from column in which a guy named Charley Reese defends SUVs against their tendency to flip.
Travelstar "Any car will tip over if the centrifugal force exceeds the grip of gravity," Reese writes. "Ask a sports-car racer." Actually, I could just ask myself. I own a sports car. And at the limits of adhesion it doesn't tip over. It drifts sideways in a controlled manner. Pushed to the same limits, an SUV would flip over for the simple reason that it is too tall. And the reason it is too tall is that the tax laws are written in such a way that taller, heavier vehicles -- so-called "light trucks" -- are given tax subsidies.
Gateway This is the so-called "light-truck loophole" in the federal fuel-economy standards. If SUVs and cars were treated equally, SUVs would largely disappear from the market. Instead, we're getting more of them.
Laptop Parts Even Volvo's getting into the act. The Swedes took a perfectly good station wagon and jacked it up to make an SUV. To compensate for the new tendency to roll over, Volvo had to add special electronic systems to keep it upright. Any rational person would propose a simpler method of keeping it from tipping over: Just don't jack it up in the first place.
Software But current law encourages this sort of behavior. It's a form of protectionism. The foreigners were building better cars, so the domestic manufacturers started selling trucks disguised as cars. But now the foreigners build both better cars and better SUVs. Gas prices are rising. If they go much higher, Detroit could go into depression.
Hard Drives Marc Ross of the University of Michigan has been trying to warn them of that. "I feel I'm trying to save the companies from themselves," said Ross, who authored a recent study of SUVs. "But they don't want to hear it." The study (available online at www.aceee.org/pubs/T021full.pdf) disproves the notion that SUVs are safer than cars. Actually, cars are safer both for their own occupants and the occupants of the vehicles they hit.
Electronics Want safety? Buy a Toyota Avalon. It will protect you as well as the largest SUVs on the road, but with minimal risk to drivers of other vehicles.
Canon Being irrational, however, SUV-huggers prefer something like the Dodge Ram family of vehicles. But the study shows that the driver of a Ram is about 50 percent more likely to be killed than the driver of an Avalon. Meanwhile, he is about 10 times more likely to kill the drivers of other vehicles. Does that make sense? Not on a rational basis. But many SUV drivers confess their motives aren't rational. They say driving an SUV is fun.
Desktop Pc Which brings me back to my original topic. If you think driving an SUV is fun, you're not getting enough sex.
Paul Mulshine
Star-Ledger - 3/9/2003
Topic: Transportation
