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On the other hand, being single again can be an intimidating and lonely experience — particularly if divorce was not your idea and you are unprepared for life on your own or if you have sole custody of your children. Even if you sought that custody arrangement, having full-time responsibility for your children seven days a week, night and day, can be overwhelming, not to mention exhausting. laptop battery

Being easy on yourself

To help you adjust to all the changes in your life, avoid piling unreasonable expectations on yourself. Just do what you must to tie up the loose ends of your divorce; otherwise, take a breather and regroup mentally and physically. Although you may have big plans for what you want to do with the rest of your life, give yourself the opportunity to recover from what you've just gone through. thinkpad

In other words, being a little lazy — letting your house get messier than it usually is, eating fast-food dinners once in while, skipping a few workouts at the gym — is okay. Pressuring yourself to make important decisions right away, before you can think them through with a clear head, may cause you to make some mistakes you'll regret later on. microsoft

On the other hand, you need to maintain those habits that make you feel good about yourself and about life in general. If you get too lazy, you may slip into a funk you can't crawl out of, which will definitely interfere with your ability to get on with your life as a single person. laptop computers

Taking time to reflect on what happened

Try to put your recent experiences into perspective. Take time to understand why your marriage didn't work out and how you may have contributed to your marital problems. Otherwise, you may end up making the same mistakes twice. Keeping a journal is a good way to do this and therapy can be a big help, too. laptop computer

Accept the fact that your life is no longer the way it used to be and it never will be again. This doesn't mean that your new life has to be a disappointment — it's just different. Try to identify some benefits to your being single again (they may be hard to find at first, but they do exist). For example, you have more privacy and time to yourself, your relationship with your children is stronger, and you can sleep better because you're no longer stressed out by your divorce. desktop computer

Finding a support group

Consider joining a divorce support group. Its members can help bolster your confidence through the inevitable down times as you rebuild your life and can provide you with advice and feedback when you encounter problems you're not sure how to handle. notebooks

Becoming handy around the house

Being divorced usually means having to take on new household chores — cooking, grocery shopping, balancing the checkbook, home repairs, mowing the lawn — chores your ex-spouse used to do. If you need to get up-to-speed quickly on unfamiliar household tasks, relatives and friends may be willing to give you a quick lesson (don't be ashamed to ask them for the help you need). Reading how-to books or taking classes are also good ways to acquire new skills. Soon you'll feel proud of what you can accomplish on your own and gain confidence in your ability to learn even more. lenovo

Finding activities you and your children enjoy

If you are a noncustodial parent, being with your kids may be awkward for all of you at first. Seeing you living in a new place and not having you in their everyday lives may feel weird to your children. hard drive

To help everyone feel more comfortable and adjust to the new situation, try to avoid making every get-together a special event. Simple activities such as a trip to the grocery store, a bike ride, doing homework together, or watching a video — the kinds of things you used to do with one another — take some of the pressure off and helps reassure your kids that not everything in their lives has changed. travelstar

You can reassure your kids that you're still an active parent by attending their school's open house, attending their recitals or sporting events, or joining in their scouting activities. Even if you live out of town, making it a point to show up at least a couple of times a year to lend moral support means a lot to your children and assures them that they're very important to you. gateway

If you are a noncustodial parent, don't be upset if your kids don't act overjoyed to see you when you pick them up, but then seem sad to leave you. Their initial nonchalance may be their way of protecting themselves emotionally, or it may reflect their confidence that you will always be in their lives and divorce hasn't changed your love and concern for them. Don't make assumptions about the ways your children are responding to the changes occurring in their lives. Instead, observe your children and try to understand the true reasons for their behavior. laptop parts

If your children are living with you but spending some nights with your former spouse, give your kids time to get used to their other parent's home and the different rules your ex may expect your children to follow. Your children may have a hard time falling asleep when they spend the night at your ex's or may act reluctant to spend time there at first, but most likely they'll adjust fairly quickly to their new living arrangement. software

Working at rebuilding a sense of family

As you recover from your divorce, rebuilding a sense of family with your children is important. This is particularly critical if your marital problems have affected how your entire family functions. Whether you are a custodial parent, a noncustodial parent, or share custody with your spouse, your children need to feel that they're still part of a real family, which is essential to your child's sense of self-worth. To help maintain a sense of family, hold on to as many family rituals as possible, such as attending religious ceremonies with your children or arranging for all of you to spend holidays with your extended family. hard drives

Think about establishing new family customs (going on an annual family vacation or taking up a new hobby with your children, for example) to make them feel as if some benefits to their new life do exist and to help your children enjoy spending time with you as a family. electronics

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Teaching Smart Kids Money Smarts:Dummies Raising Smart Kids For Dummies Teaching Smart Kids Money Smarts Adapted From: Raising Smart Kids For Dummies Printer-ready version

You know your child is successful when he understands dollars and cents. Smart kids know how to manage money. Sound attitudes about money cover budgeting, saving, and spending wisely. To fulfill your duties as the parent of a smart kid, help your child learn money management basics. desktop pc

The economics of running a family

Relate money matters to your child's everyday experiences. This reality-based form of education causes infinitely less eye-rolling when imparting your wisdom about money and safe ways to handle it: desktop computers

• Start talking about money early.

  Get in the habit of explaining personal experiences, mistakes, and how you handled them according to your child's ability to understand. Kids as young as 3 can learn to identify coins and numbers on dollar bills. Reinforce the idea of trading or exchanging money for goods. Show your older child when you handle money, either by writing checks, giving real money, or charging. think pad

• Allow your child to handle money as he ages.

• Practice money transactions by playing store at home. • Give your child coins to get treats, healthy ones, of course, from a vending machine. • Encourage savings in a piggy bank, special container, or real bank account after a certain amount is saved. Open a separate account for your child with a separate passbook so that he figures out how to handle bank transactions and can watch the money grow. Require your child to save a portion of gifts or allowance to ensure financial growth. repair

• Keep the bank book in a safe place where you can monitor its use. You don't want a dog-eared, page-ripped-out version, and you don't want to lose proof of savings. • Send your child to the store. Write down one or two items on a note at first, and place the note and money in a wallet, pouch, or envelope to keep the receipt and change together. With practice, your child can choose items, stand in line to pay, and count change independently. If travel to a store isn't practical where you live, take your child to the store but let him handle the transaction. data recovery

• Talk through the mental evaluation process you usually go through silently before purchasing something.

  Casually mention these deliberations to your child on trips to the mall or supermarket. Discuss what's a fair price for a good or service. Ask your child's opinion about whether the product has good value for the quality and cost. cisco

• Reinforce the idea that planning how to spend prevents impulse buying — the purchase of unnecessary stuff.

  But realize that such budgeting isn't a strong trait among most kids. You want to plant a few seeds for later, such as the idea of making lists of what you intend to purchase before hitting the stores. keyboard

Impress upon your child that money is usually for what you need, not for everything you want. Expect this distinction to elude your child, as it does most kids, until he's spending his own hard-earned cash. monitor

• Decide how much you want your child to participate in family financial-planning discussions.

  You may feel that your child benefits from hearing where the money goes and how spending choices are made. Your child may like contributing to vacation, decorating, or repair plans. desktop

Be careful that your child doesn't hear so many gory details that he feels guilty about causing any change in the family finances, such as by asking for milk money or telling you he's sick. infosys

• Respond to questions about how much money you make by confirming that your child will always be cared for and safe.

  Should your child sneak into your bank book or overhear news about financial assets, remind him that the family's bank account is family business. In other words, family money matters cannot be the next topic for show-and-tell at school. refurbished laptops

• Tell your child something costs too much instead of saying you can't afford it.

  The slight difference in emphasis may keep your child from worrying that your family's next home will be a homeless shelter. wipro

Giving allowance: Art or science

The best way to learn about money is to have some to manage. That's where allowance comes into the picture. Allowance is not free money. As part of the family income and expenses, it should come with rules and responsibilities. lap top

Consider these guidelines: refurbished

• Set amounts according to what your child realistically needs.

  Decide what he must pay on his own. Then add a small amount more for recreation and saving. memory

If you can't estimate, keep track of what your child spends during the first couple weeks of school. Then add up costs and necessary purchases and decide on a workable allowance together. intel

Review the amount at the beginning of each school year when your child's expenses change. Increase the amount as your child matures and handles more responsibility. The flip side of greater independence is that it usually means your child goes to more places that cost money. as400

Find out the going rate for allowance in your area. One child having too much money can be just as problematic as having too little. The exact amount boils down to your family's comfort level and your child's business expenses outside the home. averatec

Never measure your child's allowance based on what you received as a child. Times change. hardware

• Define your rules for allowance.

  Make sure everyone understands the same parameters and expectations. Be clear with your child if you expect the money to go for savings, pay for school lunch, or function as a donation to charity. Set limits upfront about how much junk food or the type of video games he can buy. No one likes surprises: They're not fair. dual xeon

• Deliver allowances on time and consistently.

  Your child can't practice managing money if payments are sporadic. Pay younger kids at least once a week. Older kids can receive money weekly or wait until the breadwinner gets paid. storage

Make sure your child knows that after the money goes, he waits until the next allowance for more. Restrain yourself from feeling sorry for your kid. Don't give in to pleas, tears, or threats that your blackmailer will become a street beggar unless more money is forthcoming. Dealing with running out of money is the way your child learns the art of budgeting. seagate

• Offer an allowance without strings attached (except for those discussed in the original allowance agreement).

  The money belongs to your child to manage or mismanage as he pleases. What better ways to learn budgeting than to pay too much for a CD, find a cheaper one at another store, and have no money left to join friends at a movie theater computer sales

• Remember these three no-nos:

• Never deny allowance as punishment. You don't want you or your child connecting money with love. This plays poorly on a smart kid's psyche. • Never offer extra allowance for achieving more, such as getting higher grades. If you do that, the money, rather than the accomplishment, becomes the payoff. Smart kids achieve because of an inner desire to perform well. Celebrate in other ways, like going out together or making a favorite recipe. computer hardware

• Never link allowance to everyday chores. Household chores, such as cleaning the bedroom or helping with dinner, are responsibilities of living in a family, something smart kids understand. They are expected and required. printers

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Single-Parenting Challenge: Dealing with Former In-Laws:Dummies Single Parenting For Dummies Single-Parenting Challenge: Dealing with Former In-Laws Adapted From: Single Parenting For Dummies Printer-ready version

When you divorced your husband, did you divorce his family, too If your wife passed away, do you maintain a relationship with her family Or are you willing to accept their gifts of love, support, and financial help because of their relationship to your kids mainframe

Maintaining contact creates stability

Grandparents and other family members can be intuitive when it comes to realizing that the kids need their emotional support and the sense of belonging that support can bring. However, grandparents and other relatives may not always be on the same page in the case of divorce. For starters, they may not believe in divorce. Secondly, they're your ex's family and their loyalty is probably with him (or her). The best advice is to withhold your judgment and give them time to get used to the idea. Just because they aren't ready to get involved in your kids' lives now, it doesn't mean that they won't come around eventually. Include them in every holiday or significant event in your child's life, including birthdays, award ceremonies, and sporting events. Ask your child to do the inviting by writing a note, placing a phone call, or asking relatives in person. How can they resist samsung

Many single parents wrap the ex's family into one closefisted wad and drop-kick the whole bundle of them out the door. You're angry with them at the moment, but that's no reason to deprive your children of their love and support. Honestly, you don't have the right to cut them out. After all, this isn't about you — it's about your kids. So take a big breath and bite your tongue — for your kids' sake. computer repair

One of the greater things that can happen when these relationships are kept intact after a divorce is that they help your child see that not everything has changed in his life. A divorce is so traumatic for a child that he may think everything in his life is strange and different, which can generate a sense of instability. However, when he still gets to spend a week in the summer at Grandpa's cabin at the lake, or when he's still invited to his cousins' birthday parties, he then knows that many things are the same. These contacts can be great stabilizing factors in his life. used computers

Agreeing to see grandparents

Your kids' grandparents are important people. They can be vital to your children's emotional well-being. The bond between grandparents and their grandkids is special, and your children need the warmth and love their grandparents have to offer. Even if you can't stand to be around your in-laws at the moment, don't cut them out of your kids' lives. Remember that you divorced your ex — you did not divorce her parents! network

Of course, that's not to say that all grandparents are caring and supportive. Some grandparents can be dysfunctional, just like anyone else. However, if a grandparent's love is unconditional, it can often be very close to parental love. For example, Grandpa's love doesn't necessarily depend on his grandson's grades or how well he behaves — Grandpa loves him anyway. So do everything you can to encourage and maintain the loving relationships between your kids and their grandparents. Not only do your kids need this unconditional love, but grandparents can also be an awesome source of comfort and stability, especially immediately following a traumatic divorce. Maintaining positive relationships between a child and her grandparents provides one more constant in the midst of all the changes divorce brings. digital cameras

Grandma and Grandpa can help

Maintaining a relationship with Grandma and Grandpa can be good for your children, especially during difficult times. For example: desktops

• If you're a single mother, your kids need the positive role modeling of Grandpa in their lives, and if you're a single father, they need the influence of Grandma. cognos

• If Grandma and Grandpa sincerely love and care about your kids, they want to provide good things in their lives by demonstrating their love and helping the kids as they cope with the divorce. hosting

• Grandma and Grandpa can provide a little financial help as they take the kids shopping for school clothes, treat them to a movie or a lunch break, or even take the children with them on a little vacation trip. netfinity

• Grandma and Grandpa's home can provide a stable environment where your children can kick back, enjoy Grandma's homemade comfort foods, and get away with some of the stuff on your no-no list at your house! Getting away with stuff may upset you, but you need to relax and realize that the grandparents' influence is only in effect while the kids are at their home. Remember how great it was when you were a kid and your grandparents spoiled you once in a while internet

• Grandma and Grandpa can fill in as counselors and therapists as your kids pour their hearts out and tell them stuff they might never tell you. Their grandparents have lived a long time and survived many crises in their lives, so their advice can be golden. It's like having free psychologists in the family. cheap computer

• Grandma and Grandpa can give you a break from time to time as they serve as loving babysitters. They may even have your kids for a weekend so you and a friend can get away for some much-needed rest and relaxation. digital camera

• Many grandparents provide free childcare for their grandchildren, especially those who are preschool age. printer

• Depending on your own personal relationship with your mother and father-in-law, they can give you needed emotional support. xseries

• Here's one of the very best things Grandma and Grandpa can do for your children: If the two of them are still together and happy, they provide encouraging proof that all marriages do not fail and that it's possible for a man and woman to be happily married to each other for many years. When you're going through a divorce, your kids need to see and experience good marriages. maxtor

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