Infestation in Brunsdale
Date 3/6/2003 12:00 AM | Topic: OpinionWho the hell are these people? Like George W. on a bad ego day, the Dorians invade and occupy the Luther dormitory study lounges. They are an insatiable plague without a cure. They swagger around the dorms like they are home. Well let me tell them something, they are not at home.
On Sunday night I decided that I was going to leave the friendly confines of Dieseth fifth floor and venture over to Miller for some socializing. I walked towards Brunsdale Lounge, the bridge connecting the yin and the yang; the good and the evil. However, when I reached the door, there was a crude sign in colored marker that said:
Brunsdale Closed
11:30-7:00
The Dorians are sleeping!It was 12:30. So what am I expected to do? Walk outside? Are you kidding? I take the tunnel from the Union to the CFL if it's ever below 40 degrees. Besides, who knows what kind of danger I could subject myself to in leaving the locked building. Plus I'm really lazy. So I opened the door. I was shocked at what I saw.
There were about 100 sleeping bags filled with Dorians. There wasn't more than a foot between each of them, they were crammed in like lambs for the slaughter. And I'm no shepherd.
When I closed the door and the light disappeared, I wondered how I could navigate through this sea of sleeping nerds. Some of them were even resorting to sleeping on the hard marble mantel. I thought: My God, what has happened here? And while they were there, the time came for them to perform. And they gave birth to their music, wrapped their instruments in swaddling clothes, and laid them in the study lounge, because there was no place for them in the inn.
I was able to carefully pick my way through with only stepping on three or four of them. I was able to make it to the dark side of Towers unharmed. But on my way back, later in the night, I remembered that I had a paper due the next day. I tiptoed into the fancy new computer lounge in Brunsdale to print out my paper, and surprise, surprise, more Dorians. I was going to print the paper anyway, but there was no way I could make it to the computers without tripping on a couple of bodies. I had to return to Dieseth without my paper. Directly because of the Dorians, my paper was late the next day!
That kind of academic interference is unacceptable. Nowhere in my housing contract does it mention sharing my living environment with 100 freeloading bums. Nor do I enjoy missing lunch because there isn't enough time to wait in line with the Dorians. On Monday I missed lunch. I implore you students, budge ahead of the Dorians in line. I did for dinner.
There also needs to be some way to regulate the quality of Dorian personalities. Their obnoxious attitudes are probably the worst thing about them. I think along with the music festival, Luther should offer the Dorians courses in interpersonal communication. These musical cockroaches need to be exterminated. Luther administration: I give the Dorians a huge thumbs down.
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Frederick Pender
Backpage Editor
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