Go commando, six-pack cotton, or Victoria's Secret?
Date 3/30/2000 12:00 AM | Topic: OpinionWhen asked to describe "underwear" using one adjective, three people debated the purpose of this article of clothing which is usually taken for granted. The views argued are not necessarily our own.
Katie: I believe that underwear should first and foremost be comfortable. The frills and fancy stuff are not necessary, they only detract from the true purpose of underwear-protection.
Karen: I believe that underwear is a mode of creativity. A chance for free expression and a chance to explore one's creative and radical tendencies.
Jason: Oh! You both are completely wrong. Underwear is absolutely unnecessary. What is it used for anyway? Underwear is simply society's means of constricting the male "unit" just as some women view the bra.
Karen: The whole idea is that it's a mystery. You can be wearing sweat pants and a dirty T-shirt, but underneath, you have on silver sequins or Scooby Doo, and it's all your little secret! This is the reason for Mona Lisa's little smile. She was an active participant in this genre of free expression.
Jason: Mystery or not, it's still simply an extra layer of clothing that isn't even seen by the majority of the public anyhow. Who cares if it's frilly, lacy, or comfortable? More importantly , who cares if it's even there?
Katie: I can see your point, and I agree that it's fun once in awhile to wear fancy stuff if someone else is going to see it, but I don't think it's necessary in everyday life. And if you've ever looked through a Victoria's Secret catalog you know that it is exorbitantly expensive.
Jason: I think everyone simply wants to see what is beyond, or underneath this useless layer of fabric known as underwear.
Katie: But the purpose of underwear is to protect what is underneath the fabric!
Karen: But why would you wrap such a beautiful gift in a brown paper bag? It is the gift inside that counts, but the expectations of a silver trimmed package with a red bow on it makes the gift itself seem even better. It's a sign of disrespect if you don't decorate the package.
Jason: "It's what's inside that counts," is a popular phrase that I think is perfectly applicable to my argument. The robber doesn't care about the bank, it's the loot the robber wants.
Karen: I agree. It is what's inside that counts, but an attractive exterior makes everything more appealing.
Katie: You know, I'm so sick of the attitudes of everyone in our culture that we have to have so much decadence and luxury in our lives. Why can't we live simply? Why do we have to have so much material extravagance to be happy?
Jason: My final argument is that no one truly cares about underwear - what color they are, whether they are flannel boxers, He-Man boxer briefs, or those most despised "whitey-tighties."
Katie: That's not true-a lot of people care, but my opinion is that there are more important things to worry about than whether to wear a bikini or thong.
Karen: But this is one of those little morning decisions which gets a person out of bed in order to decide: silk? cartoons? or flowers? Nothing puts a person back to sleep faster than a drawer full of solid pastels or whitie-tighties. Get creative, radical, and for goodness sakes, go abstract!
Jason: Go Commando! Don't waste your money or your time!
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Katie Brunner, Karen Heuiser, and Jason Smith
Backpage Editor, A&E Editor, Ad Manager
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