Hamburger Rules
Author:
Colman Andrews
photography by Maura McEvoy
Laptop Battery I take a bite, and a world of flavors and textures reveals
itself: the animal saltiness of well-seasoned, moist ground beef,
its abundant juices soaking into the soft, sweet white flesh of the
flour-dusted roll; the sourness of the vaguely chewy melted sharp
cheddar; the crisp, saline, smoky authority of well-cooked bacon;
the faint crunch of a cool iceberg lettuce leaf turned translucent
by the warmth of the meat and cheese.
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Thinkpad I am bewitched, seduced, transported. I am satisfied even before
I have begun to digest. At times like this, I am quite prepared to
propose the perfectly constructed bacon cheeseburger as proof of
the existence of God.
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Microsoft I love hamburgers. When it comes to this variously enhanced,
definitively American (but unquestionably universal) sandwich I am
a true believer. I would rather eat a burger than a hot dog, a
pizza, or a chunk of chocolate cake. I would rather eat a burger
than a T-bone. If I were told that I had to give up either
hamburgers or foie gras for the rest of my
life, I'd swear off that
fattened poultry liver so fast you wouldn't see my lips move.
And if I were then told that I had to give up hamburgers anyway,
I do believe I'd get old Doc Kevorkian on the line. They will
pry this burger from my cold, dead fingers.
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Laptop Computers A culinary psychotherapist (and if there isn't such a beast, I'm
sure one will pop up soon, probably on the Food Network—Frasier
meets Emeril) would no doubt find evidence of arrested development,
of nostalgie de baby-food, in my predilection for ground-up
protein—which extends far beyond
the hamburger and its cousin meat loaf, incidentally, to encompass
sausages of every description, pâtés and rillettes, chicken
croquettes, even fish cakes....Let them think what they want.
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Laptop Computer I mean, I've got perfectly good teeth and enjoy applying them to
sirloin steaks and lamb chops and baby back ribs as much as the
next carnivore. But there is something about meat or fowl or fish
that has been ground or finely chopped or shredded, then properly
seasoned and correctly cooked, that appeals to me immediately and
viscerally, that gladdens my heart, that connects me with neither
artifice nor irony to the sheer pleasure of eating.
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Desktop Computer A Hamburger is literally a person or thing from the city of
Hamburg, the great northern German port that was part of the
Hanseatic League in medieval times. What this Teutonic municipality
has to do with Big Macs and Whoppers is a subject of much
speculation, some of it quite silly. The Hamburg New Media
Association even devotes several pages of its website to the
question. Like many other would-be authorities on the subject, the
New Media folks trace the burger's beginnings back to the Tartar
hordes who swept out of Central Asia about 750 years ago,
supposedly riding across the steppes with slabs of raw animal flesh
lodged between their saddles and their mounts. The meat was thus
tenderized, it is said, and when the Tartars stopped for the night,
they'd simply chop the meat up and dig in. (Think steak tartare.)
How and why some saddle-softened Central Asian warriors' fodder
became a "Russian delicacy" (as those New Media Hamburgers call it)
in Hamburg and eventually found its way to America with a Hamburg
provenance attached is not revealed.
Notebooks "Hamburger steak" first appeared on an American menu as early as
1834, at Delmonico's in New York City—but the precise
nature of the dish is unclear. The
recipe for "beef steak, Hamburg style" offered by Charles Ranhofer,
former chef of Delmonico's, in his book The Epicurean (1893) is a
mélange of chopped beef tenderloin and suet and chopped onions
fried in butter, seasoned with salt, pepper, and nutmeg, shaped
into four-ounce balls, flattened, rolled in bread crumbs, fried in
butter, and served with "a good thickened gravy"—not exactly the
burger as we know it today. Neither was Fannie Farmer's version.
The recipe, generally credited as the first ever published, for
"hamburg steaks" in her Boston Cooking-School Cook Book
(1891) called for chopped lean beef, salt and pepper, and onion
juice or chopped shallots, with a slightly beaten egg and "a few
gratings of nutmeg" as optional additions.
Lenovo Slightly earlier, circa 1888, James Henry Salisbury, a British
physician, proposed simply seasoned ground beef, eaten three times
a day, as a specific against anemia, colitis, tuberculosis, and
other ailments. (Much later, Salisbury steak came to mean a
fancified ground beef patty, often oval in shape, served without a
bun but usually with a brown sauce or at least a sprinkling of
parsley in upscale American or "Continental" restaurants.)
Hard Drive The good people of Seymour, Wisconsin, about 20 miles west of
Green Bay, meanwhile, believe fervently that the hamburger was
invented in 1885 by local son Charlie Nagreen, who is said to have
improvised it at the Outagamie County Fair by flattening a meatball
and sticking it between two slices of bread for his customers to
eat while walking around the fairgrounds. Other claimants to the
burger's paternity include Frank Menches of Akron, Ohio (1892);
Louis Lassen of Louis' Lunch in New Haven, Connecticut (1900); and
Fletch "Old Dave" Davis of Athens, Texas, who took his burger to
the 1904 Louisiana Purchase Exhibition in St. Louis, where it
gained wide exposure.
Travelstar No one can say for sure when or where the classic modern-style
burger on a bun first appeared, with its traditional garnish of
tomato slice, lettuce leaf, and sometimes onion, sometimes cheese.
Its rise in popularity did seem to mirror that of the automobile,
though, for it was the perfect "fast food"—quick to cook and easy
to eat. You could even hold it to your mouth with one hand while
keeping the other hand on the steering wheel. It is hardly
accidental that many early burger joints were drive-ins.
Gateway The first nationwide burger chain was White Castle, which was
founded in 1921 in Wichita, Kansas. Wimpy's (inspired by a
burger-loving character in the "Popeye" cartoons), Bob's Big Boy,
Steak n Shake, and A&W, among others, followed. Then one day in
1954, Ray Kroc, a Chicago-based milk-shake- machine salesman,
visited a pre-ternaturally bustling fast-food joint run by brothers
Maurice and Richard McDonald in San Bernardino, California. The
next thing anybody knew, he owned the name and the concept, and
McDonald's had sold something like 90 gazillion burgers all over
the world and changed forever our culture, our eating habits, and
for that matter our burger.
Laptop Parts I can't pretend to remember my first hamburger, but I almost
certainly encountered it as a youngster at a drugstore lunch
counter in Southern California, where it was almost certainly
served on a sesame bun, in an oval wicker basket lined with waxed
paper, nestled against a heap of french fries. I suspect that I was
hooked immediately. Like so many children, though, I was a picky
eater and wanted nothing but cheese on my patty—no lettuce or
tomatoes, no pickles or onions, no mustard or ketchup or relish. I
gradually came to appreciate lettuce, tomatoes, and onions
(especially fried or grilled), but to this day I avoid pickles
(their mocking pungent sweetness overpowers everything else), and I
am alone among my friends and coworkers, I think, in eschewing all
condiments. The purity of the undressed burger, with its elemental,
guileless counterpoint of flavors and textures, is to me a thing of
beauty.
Software Of course, just as everybody has a favorite burger joint—loyalty
to such regional chains as Corpus Christi's Whataburger or Southern
California's In-N-Out Burger, not to mention such local treasures
as Hut's in Austin, Corner Bistro in Manhattan, Zip's in
Cincinnati, Dick's Drive-In in Seattle, and suchlike, can be as
passionate as football fandom—it's also true that just about
everybody orders, or makes, burgers his or her own way.
Hard Drives The hamburger is very nearly a blank canvas—a lunch-tabula rasa.
About the only absolute essential is a patty of cooked ground beef
("burgers" made of ground turkey or salmon or stuff like that are
nothing but sorry imitations, imperfect metaphors, like
"margaritas" made with wine or "pizza" topped with ersatz cheese),
and even the patty admits some variation: things may be added to
the meat—egg, bread crumbs, cheese, butter, parsley, onion,
Tabasco, worcestershire sauce, whatever; it may be seasoned with
just salt and pepper or with soy sauce, lemon or lime juice,
paprika, red pepper, and/or a number of other things; it may be
small and thin in shape or broad and plump or anything in between;
it may be fried, grilled, broiled, even boiled.
Electronics Then there's the question of the bun: slightly spongy,
golden-brown-top classic (the prototype of which was supposedly
invented in 1916), with or without sesame seeds? potato roll?
kaiser roll? Portuguese roll? sourdough toast? rye toast (as in the
great Southern California coffee-shop classic the patty melt)?
english muffin (don't laugh; there are people who swear by it)? And
the literally scores of possible garnishes—not just the traditional
ones, but anything from bacon to arugula, sauerkraut to chili (as
in another SoCal specialty, the open-face chili size)—and the
countless jarred or bottled sauces or relishes. And the cheese,
whether american, cheddar, swiss, jack, chèvre, blue, or... Combine
these variables in every possible way, and you've got probably
thousands of potential personalized burgers, thousands of
interpretations of this most emblematic of American culinary
creations.
Canon And emblematic the burger is—a triple-decker cultural
affirmation for each of us who enjoys one, an edible symbol that
announces three things: I eat meat. I am an American, perhaps in
nationality but certainly in spirit. And I know what I like, which
is simply this: my hamburger.
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